Thinking if their behavior is normal, or just a little out of control. According to the vocabulary, obsession is having an extreme interest in something. In this case, being obsessed is when he has lost control of his feelings and his interest has become compulsive. You’ve noticed some of his behavior and you can’t tell if it’s just an obsession or if he’s in love with you. Well, those two can go together or alone. He can be obsessed but not in love, or vice versa. However, there is something you have to consider before looking at the signs if he’s obsessed. You might think that his obsession with you means he loves you like crazy. It can mean that, but obsession can be two things: There’s only a thin line between those two, so watch carefully for the signs!
Signs he’s obsessed with you: a harmless obsession
Healthy obsession is when he loves you so much that he is overwhelmed by positive feelings and can’t get enough of you. Even a healthy obsession can be a bit overwhelming for you, but there’s no harm in that, only a lot of love. Here are 8 signs of healthy obsession:
1. He’s crazy about you but he lets you be.
Being crazy about you means he is obsessed with you in a way that makes him adore you, yet lets you be and breathe. He wants to see you all the time but gives you the personal space you need. He expresses his love to you whenever he can, giving you all his undivided attention. And who doesn’t love their man to go crazy about them? Being crazy about someone to the extent that you don’t invade their privacy or don’t make them feel like you’re suffocating them, is okay. He makes you feel loved and wanted, and that’s what being in a relationship should be like. You should both be crazy about each other in the good sense of it. Hold on to each other if you have that kind of healthy obsession with each other!
2. He supports any idea you bring out.
Having a supportive boyfriend is the best. He’ll be after you for every idea that comes out of your mind, and will help you until you make that idea into something real. He’ll support even the dumbest things you want to do and probably will be a part of it. And that’s because he’s obsessed with you, in the good sense of it. Just knowing the fact that you know he’ll support anything of you makes you happy and shows that he’s obsessed with you.
3. You catch him staring a lot.
Yeah, he’s so obsessed with you. So much that he can’t take his eyes off of you. Even though he might not say it with words, his body language will tell you a lot of things you want to know. He’ll stare at you a lot while you’re talking, not talking, or just doing simple things you normally do. That’s because he’s obsessed with you and he just can’t help but stare. If he’s shy he might look away when you catch him staring at you, but if he’s not that shy he might continue to look at you and just appreciate you.
4. He only has eyes for you.
What’s better than a man who only has eyes for you? A man who is obsessed with you will not flirt with other women, look at other women, or even think about other women. He only sees you and only thinks about you. He wants to spend all his time with you and doesn’t want to waste it with other people. He’ll give you his full attention regardless of what he’s doing.
5. He keeps your things to touch or smell.
Another sign of obsession can be if he keeps your things with him. This can be cute and weird, depending on your situation with him. If you’re in a relationship with him already, then it’s fine if he does this. If you’re not in a relationship with him, then it is weird. If you’re in a relationship with him and he just randomly takes your things like pieces of clothing, bracelets, or something that you own, he’s most likely taking them to touch and smell them while you’re away from him. In this way, he’ll have something that reminds him of you and wants to keep you close.
6. He laughs at your jokes.
If you know that you suck at making jokes, and he still laughs when you make them, he’s obsessed with you. Someone who is not interested in you will laugh if the joke is very funny, but someone obsessed with you will laugh at the most boring jokes you tell. Apart from laughing at your jokes, he will try to make jokes to make you laugh. That way he’s trying to win your heart by telling you that you have the same sense of humor. So, if he’s already laughing at your jokes, he’ll be melting to the good jokes you’ve got to text him.
7. He keeps pictures of you as a prized possession.
When he loves you so much to the point of obsession, you’ll be all that he sees. One could argue that this isn’t healthy either way, however, it isn’t harmful to any of you, hence it cannot be considered toxic. Keeping pictures of you as a prized possession is more of a sign of love. And the lightest and a jolly form of obsession. You’re dear to his heart and precious to him. Of course, the pictures of you are a prized possession of him!
8. He sees you as a priority.
You’re one of his top priorities, you mean a lot to him. This falls into the healthy obsession spectrum since it’s a behavior that’s expected from lovers: putting each other at the top of the list of priorities. He’ll drop anything for you just to be there for you because he loves you so dearly! He’s not possessive, he’s protective. He wants to be there for you, he loves you, and he cares for you. Nowadays, the term obsession can be used for this type of love as well. The obsession can take a wrong turn though. Here’s how!
Obsession in unhealthy levels: signs that he’s toxically obsessed with you
Obsessing with someone can be fun…at the beginning. But, everything that becomes excessive can easily become harmful. An obsession becomes an unhealthy obsession when things get out of hand; when he’s incapable of controlling his emotions and the way they affect his actions. Unhealthy obsession can be quite dangerous and there are a lot of evident situations where it ends up fatally. Unfortunately, an unhealthy obsession is much more common than a healthy obsession. It often manifests through forms of abuse as well. If he shows the signs of obsession written below…run!
1. He shows possessive thoughts and behavior.
He’s possessive when he wants to own you as a being. In other words, he wants all your time, attention, and thoughts devoted to him and only him. When he is trying to be possessive of you, telling you what to do, what to wear, and where to go, stay away from him! This is a symptom of an unhealthy mindset, it means that he doesn’t see you as an independent person but rather as possession of him. He tells you who to talk to, and doesn’t allow other men or other people to approach you. This obsession is harmful to you and the earlier you back off from this relationship, the better it is for you. It doesn’t get better, it only gets worse!
2. He wants to marry you after the first date.
Yeah, this is not some unrealistic movie plot. He’ll just scare you off if he tells you he wants to marry you only after the first date. People spend years getting to know each other to decide if they want to marry them, that doesn’t happen overnight. He’ll come off as a creep and weirdo if he tells you this. And it is weird because marrying someone is a big decision to make. If not asking you to marry him, he’ll act as if you’re the love of his life and he’s ready to settle for the long haul. He doesn’t want to take things slow, he wants to settle down immediately because he is obsessed with you and probably is scared that you’ll leave him.
3. He ignores your boundaries.
Your phone isn’t just yours anymore, your time isn’t spent how you want it to, and your boundaries are crossed and unnoticed. You don’t feel free any longer, it’s as if he owns you and sees you as his entirely. This one is a BIG red flag that you shouldn’t ignore. When you tell him you don’t want to do something, and he pushes you to do it, he doesn’t respect your boundaries. He always insists on getting his way about everything. He can’t seem to be taking ‘no’ as an answer. You should be careful with those types of men because they might push you to do things you don’t want to do and regret it later. If he doesn’t respect your boundaries, then he doesn’t deserve your respect at all.
4. He shows up unannounced.
Does he just show up at your apartment door without letting you know that he’s coming? Not even a text to tell you that he’s coming. That’s some obsessive behavior if he just shows up without telling you, thinking that he can hang out with you whenever he wants to. It’s often a sign of a lack of self-awareness and common sense. He expects you to be around him and wants to get that whenever he wants to. He’s obsessed with you or the idea of you that he perceives. This is not healthy, and this is not ok nor normal.
5. He knows everyone you know.
He somehow knows everyone you know, and you don’t even know how. You introduce him to people you know and he just knows them already. That means he has stalked you and now knows everyone you know because he stalked them too. He’s curious and hungry to know more about you. His mind and actions are all about you. His world becomes centered around you. It’s something he can’t control, something he’d rather do than let it buzz him for too long.
6. Your phone is constantly buzzing.
By constantly, I mean CONSTANTLY. He texts you every minute. No, that’s not wholesome. That’s far from the wholesome spectrum, it’s creepy. That’s an obsession. And not a good one. He can’t go one minute without hearing from you so he just keeps showering you with texts all the time. He wants to know where you are, he wants to know what you’re doing, and he wants you to respond ASAP! He wants to always know what you’re doing and every breath you take. That is not healthy. That is possessive.
7. He doesn’t respect your privacy.
He’s everywhere you go, at any time. Everyone needs some time to stay alone, and you may tell him that you need to stay alone but he doesn’t seem to understand the concept. He might check your phone and thinks it’s okay to do that. Or he might even want to know the amount of money in your wallet. That’s an invasion of privacy and no one is allowed to check your phone or anything that belongs to you without your permission. Disrespecting your privacy is a sign that he is obsessed with you in a way that’s damaging for you and him as well. It is an unhealthy behavior that can have very damaging effects on you and your perception of self!
8. He’s overly jealous of you.
No, this is not the normal healthy jealousy when the guy gets jealous if someone flirts with you. He’s jealous even if someone just looks at you on the streets, or he might be jealous of your friends or people you know for a long time. That is not healthy. Research shows that being jealous reflects your insecurities, and he’s probably showing his insecurity by being too jealous of you. Being overly jealous of someone is also a sign of an unhealthy obsession. It might even make you feel insecure about yourself, and your way of perceiving reality in general. But that’s not something you should let happen. Cut your ties with him and leave him for good, before it turns into a toxic relationship. Defining the fine line between healthy and toxic jealousy isn’t easy. It is exceptionally challenging if you love this person.A guide to help you through tough times, a guide to help you define the fine lines between behaviors that are harmful and healthy. Just one click away!
9. He plays the victim.
This makes leaving him a very difficult challenge for you. Those who play the victim might be the worst kind of guys. When you tell them something he does that bothers you, he tries to act like it’s never his fault and tries to put it on you. Instead of accepting his mistakes, he manipulates you into thinking it’s your fault and tries to gain your pity. He tries to make you think that everything he does is for your good and that he’s putting you before himself. He has a personality that can’t accept his mistakes to try and fix them but puts everything on other people. According to him, it’s never his fault.
10. He started stalking you.
Whether you made it clear that you don’t want anything to do with him, or you’re simply taking it slow on the early dating stages, stalking is never a good sign. He’s on alarmingly dangerous levels of obsessions if stalking is in the picture. Stalking means he monitors you from a particular distance without wanting you to know that he’s doing so. Put shortly, he follows you and creeps on you without your permission.
Why is he obsessed with me?
You can’t know why someone is obsessed with you. It has more to do with their personality, their mental state, and nothing with you in reality. But if you see a pattern where every man that you meet is obsessed with you, it could be that you attract those kinds of men in your life for different reasons.
Insecure men with low self-esteem could be drawn to you because they feel a particular sense of comfort with you;
Maybe you’re independent and confident and they find you intriguing and challenge themselves to conquer you;
Or, you attract men who become obsessed with people who are kind and will manipulate you to get you to stay.
It can also just be a coincidence and you meet these men randomly and they show their true colors along the way.
How do I get away from unhealthy obsession?
If you notice that someone is showing a toxic obsession with you, you should get away from them as soon as possible. And it’s not easy to do because people who are obsessed usually don’t take no for an answer and are still after you. There are some things that you can do to try to get away from them: – You can let them down easily: be kindly direct. By letting them down easily, tell them kindly that they might need help to change their obsessive behavior. Softly telling them may soothe their attitude and they may seek help. However, you want to be direct with your point while being polite to them so that the situation doesn’t agitate any further. – Don’t cut all the connections immediately. Wait a little bit until you feel like they’re ready to cut all ties. Things can get messy if you cut everything all at once because he might get angry and do bad things out of his emotional state. – Tell him that this is not healthy for you – how this is affecting you. Let him know that his behavior toward you is not making you feel good and you want to stay by yourself. – Change your routine. Don’t do things you always do for a while. If he was meeting you every day, avoid him for some time, tell him you have other things to do now without letting him know what you’re up to. – Seek help from a friend, family, or a professional. Help from a trusted and reliable source is always welcomed in these cases. Especially if you feel like you’re in danger. Make a detailed plan and make your escape as safe as possible. Stay around trusted people and avoid having contact with them. You don’t deserve to be with a person whose obsession is causing harm to you. Do what you need to do to get away from them and don’t waste your time with people like this. On the other hand, if the obsession is healthy as mentioned above, enjoy it as much as you can! Love, Callisto
